I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize