dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
These tits shall not be calmed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
