My Higher Power is John Stamos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
