hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
