Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
