a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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