Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
