Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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