dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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