I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
