I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
