You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We are two peas in an std pod
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
