Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
