I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
