I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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