i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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