It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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