Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
