Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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