went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
