I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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