you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
