I want to stick my p in your. b.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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