So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
