She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
