That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
