you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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