Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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