watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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