Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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