I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize