I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's shark week go big or go home
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
