I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
