I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
