were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
