so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
