FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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