I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Panties = found
Randomize