I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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