I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I could fuck to npr.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
