i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
