Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
