That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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