my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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