You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
