I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
