Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
