So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
