Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
