Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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