I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
