omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
