The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
