Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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