I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
