just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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