I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
