so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize