take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
His nipple licking is glorious
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