That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
