you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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