I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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