Fine. I'll sleep in my office
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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