my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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