they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How does it feel to date your dad?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
