i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
