I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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