just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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