Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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