4 words: hood of his car
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
