Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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