I wanna bring you to show and tell
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
