Buhtt sex?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
