i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
