I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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