the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
