kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
