butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
