I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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