Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just high enough for therapy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
