So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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