my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
