Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
