we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
