Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
