i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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