Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
