My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you win again, gameday.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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