I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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