No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
