you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
