It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
