So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
